I'm ashamed to say that I haven't honored my blog title today.. er tonight.. yesterday, whatever. It was a pretty crappy day. And this will probably be short, but if you'd like, you can read forth and I will tell you about it.
This morning wasn't really bad, I'll give life that one. But Mother Nature did ensure that it got to be cold which let's face it, sucked. Moving on, moving on. This afternoon, I wrote the blog about death and needless to say, that got me down a little.. but it was alright because it was meeting night and I was going to the station to be around the guys. There. Right there. Not at that exact moment, but a few hours after. That's when it happened. I let what someone said, put me in a sour mood. It wasn't even said to my face. More to my side. Or maybe even my back. And I'm almost fully sure he didn't want me to hear it. But I did. And I hear it on repeat.
( If you've read my profile, you'd know I'm a firefighter. Recently, also a licensed EMT-B. An accomplishment I have to say that I am proud of. )
I'm more of the type of person who will take what you say with a grain of salt and brush it off. But tonight, I don't know why, but tonight I couldn't. No, that's not right. I could've. I just didn't. Being told, or in fact, overhearing a guy say that girls don't belong in the firefighting field... it bothers me. Who are YOU to judge and say who can do what. While I'm not the award winning firefighter, I'm always willing to learn. I respect chain of command. And I love firefighting. I love the guys. I love the station. And you're saying I shouldn't be here?
I take it personal.
Then, moving on.. even though that was the beginning and the biggest upheaval, my car charger stopped working. So my phone died. And I was craving Long John Silvers so bad (which I'm vowing from here on out not to eat anymore, or fast food in general.. pop included. hang with me folks.. its going to be a bumpy ride), but I had to get gas first and by the time I got to Long Johns, they were closed. Because of course I forgot they closed at 9pm tonight and not 10, and of course, I got there at 9:10. So then I beat myself up because if only I had gotten gas earlier like I had originally planned, I would've made it.
I sadly drove off, in seek of something that sounded good.. because I knew if I didn't eat something, anything, I wouldn't eat at all. Burger King? No.. McDonald's? No.. I can't get it out of my head how their burgers don't rot or deteriorate or anything that would show even a small hint of proof that it was "real". Wendy's was too far, and so that left Schroeder's. Ended up being gross. I could've just gone without eating. Then, I got a toothache, which led to an earache and then now, a headache.
I swear I'm only temporarily venting/throwing a pity party. It won't happen often. Not this way. Not over simple things like this.
So I'm laying here, not even honoring my word that this was going to be short. Laying here on my right side, hoping that will help even in the slightest, even though the earache is on the left side. I would close my eyes and try sleep, but when I do, the room spins. Or at least, I think it's spinning. My eyes are closed so I can't really tell. But if I had to guess, I'd say the room was spinning. So alas, my eyes are staying open til I either a) can close them and the room stays still, or b) my body gets so exhausted that I'm forced to pass out.
I'm voting for option a, personally. I think til then, I'll watch some more Grey's Anatomy.
Goodnight, or Good Morning.. but either way, I hope it's good.
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